Mattering Map — Reflection

Of all the deep thought and exercises conducted in my MA program at Carnegie Mellon, this was certainly the most personal.

After reading deeply into the philosophical roots of character and action, I was asked to tidily present how my own roots developed, and in what direction they pointed the trajectory of my life.

Personal Reflection

From a young age, I was fortunate to be surrounded by a caring and considerate nuclear family — my mother, father, and brother. That’s not to mention my 24 aunts and uncles, as well more cousins than I can usually accurately count.

But at the age of 9, I was introduced to a new “chosen family”, the community at Journey’s End Farm Camp. In a slight, but transformative departure from my suburban, Catholic, upbringing, the Curtis family (who have owned and operated the camp with Quaker values since 1939) revealed the importance of getting into the weeds and tending my own garden.

Over 4 summers, I formed a deep appreciation and wonder of nature and some crucial friendships (some human, some bovine). I began to understand the type of person I wanted to be. Kind. Compassionate. Just. Gentle. Giving. These are just a few of the many values whose roots I can trace to my time at Journey’s End.

When I turned 13, however, I found myself aged out of the Journey’s End camper experience. Luckily, I had become an active Boy Scout, and had a new outlet for my natural curiosity.

Caring, encouraging leaders like Dave Ridge and George Cartamil fostered a growing love of outdoors adventure, everything from camping to hiking to canoeing and in time, extended trips like an 80+ mile backpacking trip through Philmont Scout Ranch and a canoe trip that followed the Allagash River from Maine to the Canadian border. I came to love photographing these journeys.

This time in nature was the foundation of my earliest perspective on what might be my life’s mission. By the time I shipped off to Boston University, I was ready to pursue a degree in business administration and dreamed of making a living as a photographer — free to travel and share the beauty I saw in the world.

But a pivotal class in my sophomore year radically altered my course. As I learned about the notion of corporate social responsibility, I began to see how systems of harm were deeply embedded in the world all around us — and how they threatened the natural world I so loved. I turned a newly critical eye on the way electrical power generation and consumption were impacting the planet.

That summer, a handwritten note of apology saved me from bombing the final interview for my first “sustainability” job. As a Healthcare Solutions Intern for Schneider Electric, I worked to document the success of their energy-saving projects in hospitals. Often capable of reducing energy usage by 40%, these projects dramatically reduced energy use and associated emissions, all while delivering a better patient experience and saving money. I was captivated. While a photograph might inspire pathos, these projects were having a direct impact.

I vowed that I would also have a positive impact on the world.

Fast forwarding a bit, I spent a year in Sydney, Australia, and experienced the values of a collectivist culture, a pivotal step in the development of my socialist-leaning tendencies. I was also exposed to design thinking for the first time in a class taught by Massimo Garbuio at Sydney University. Looking back, I think this is when my foundation really began to solidify.

That foundation carried me through some major ups-and-downs over the next several years. The loss of friends both old and young, moves to-and-from San Francisco, and a long health struggle that culminated in a devastating manic episode in January, 2017 and ensuing pause of my pursuit of an MBA in Sustainable Management.

Since then, I’ve been gently refining and revising what it means to have a positive impact. The best I can offer today is that my goal is simply to “reduce suffering.”

Sometimes, that’s as simple as improving a corporate process for the sake of customers. Other times, my ambition grows to changing the face of the energy sector. But when I return to the roots of humility and service that have guided most of my life, I remember that change comes about little by little, and I’m inspired to continue building toward the kind of future that can be shared and enjoyed by all.

Project Reflection

What did you discover/learn in the project

This project (and course) was an excellent opportunity to reflect upon what I’ve learned in 30 years on Earth and where I might direct my efforts over the next 30 years.

For example, my solutions described in the personal and campus change projects both pointed to the importance of transitioning away from natural gas. I found this a crucial departure from my typical focus on increasing the adoption of renewables.

Although there must be something to switch to, like renewables, it now seems critically important to give equal weight to what is being transitioned away from and what that process might look like.

What were you challenged by?

My father passed away on March 20, at the age of 69. He suffered from two terminal lung diseases — lung cancer and idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, or IPF. While no autopsy could reveal “the” cause of his early death, it is hard for me not to connect the loss of my father to the nearly 5,000,000 lives lost globally due to air pollution, which largely stems from the electric and transportation sectors.

When I imagine my own suffering multiplied by 5,000,000 families grieving their own losses, I am challenged by humanity’s collective resistance to address what appears obvious to me to be the defining challenge of our time.

What did you question?

I did and still do question what impact I “should” or “must” have as one human. As a deeply empathetic and compassionate person, I question the focus I see on corporate profits and individual gain.

What does it mean to be an agent of change in a broken system? Is there hope for reform? Will it come too late?

How successful was your project?

I think my projects throughout the course were effective thought exercises. Interestingly, the campus change project, whose theoretical impact might be quite large, is likely not something I can realize. However, my individual carbon footprint project prompted me to take some immediate actions that will have a small, but real, impact on my own contribution to climate change.

What did you learn from your colleagues?

I was deeply impressed by the thoughtful reflection and discussion in each of my classmates’ projects. As Socrates so wisely decreed, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

It follows, then, that the deeply examined lives of my colleagues are exactly the sort that are worth living. I have high hopes for the good they will bring to themselves and the world.

What would you do differently?

To edit a life’s story down to 10 minutes is no easy task. There were many dimensions of my life, like my friendships and partners, who didn’t appear in this narrative, despite their tremendous influences on my journey.

I’d like to take this moment to honor and appreciate them, and hope that they know the difference they’ve made, which is beyond any telling I could summon.